Is Your Ego Bigger Than Your Capacity?
(This blog was originally published by Amy Maxwell on July 27, 2015)
I have the hardest time saying no. Its actually ridiculous. The other day I was so stressed out, exhausted, split in three directions and I had this thought which sounded like, “what if I just sat down and stopped?”
I think my ego is bigger than my capacity.
Why all this saying yes? Why cram my life, every single second full, no room for delays, requests from friends, and most importantly God. What is that doing to me, producing in my community? What future is being born?
When I was 17 I attended the youth version of Awaken and my trainer would begin each morning with this verse:
“But encourage each other daily, as long as it is still called today. So that none of you will be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” -Hebrews 3:13
My unchecked ego, thinking I can conquer insurmountable amounts of work is hardening me to my vision and passion. This is my confession! God is grabbing hold of me as I write to you and humbling my arrogant heart and reminding me that its still today and I can surrender to Him.
What does that look like? I first see that the business is a cover for the loneliness I feel on the road at times in my other job. Generally the loneliness I feel when I spend one day at home and miss my friends, church, and community terribly. And sometimes I mistake business for Kingdom work; as if doing more things will make a bigger impact. Certainly not with the attitude of heart I have carried. This week I reached out to a few close girlfriends for support, began reading “Immortal Diamond,” and have started to slow down my internal engine which was ramped way to high.
If you feel like I do, maybe this is God encouraging us TODAY so that we are not further hardened to His love and grace.