By Janelle Baker

A few years ago, I was struggling in a area of one of the relationships in my life. A big struggle. And I was prompted to ask myself what requests I could make ? I immediately thought, none! But honestly, I needed time to think and ponder this. But in that moment, I felt a little defensive. When I feel defensive, I ask myself – what am I defending? Since feeling defensive is key indicator for me that some mining is necessary for me to see what I cannot currently see. I really took some time to ponder this question. I wanted to look with myself and see what requests am I not making and why not?

I noticed I was blind to the some of the request making portion of my side of struggle in the relationship. There were so many denials to the requests that I have already made so I just decided to not do any more. Also known as being “resigned”. And by being blind to them that was a sure way for me to not see them. I was justifying not making the little small requests and really big asks as well. All subjective of course. What I was able to discover is that under the denial was me just avoiding. Avoiding the disappointment. Avoiding risking again. Avoiding conflict. Avoiding allowing the person to show up new. Avoiding being commitment to something new myself. Playing not to lose. Avoiding allowing God and trusting Him to provide provision.

I decided to choose something else. When I just focused on the effort to discover what requests I could make, and just make them, more started appearing, then even more! From small petty ones to pretty big asks as well. The dialogue in the relationship had been amazing, and a deeper connection has developed.

For me, requests are simply holding things with a open hand to express what I desire or need and then allowing others to choose for themselves. Then they themselves can actually see what they are saying no to for themselves. Requests are not demands. They are not favors. Requests are participation. Requests are a way to step into dialogue. It generates flow between yourself and another person. People cant read our minds. Requests are the just the mechanism that is driven by my intention in having what I deeply desire, which is connection. My future is dependent on promises, commitments, and requests.

What are requests for you? Could it be the power that lies within us to create connections and provision? A way to living a more connected, authentic, and empowered life. If you want to take it a step further, and really tap into the power that lies within you and create even more satisfying connections? I invite you to ask yourself, what requests are you avoiding ? Would you be willing to just focus on the effort and see what opens up?