What comes to mind when you hear the word comfort? I go immediately to comfort food – food I probably shouldn’t be eating but I feel good biting into…chips and salsa, pizza and burritos.
It’s in our nature to avoid experiencing grief, loss, sadness, disappointment, heart break. Some of us make entire lifetimes seeking ways to be numb and then numb-er.
And lest you’re tempted to get self-righteous there in your private conversation ‘well at least I don’t do drugs’ etc. consider any/all forms of forcing numbness – whether drugs, TV, intellectualizing, alcohol, workahol – whatever we use, while different in consequence, are similar in effect. I’m not saying these are all the same thing, I AM inviting you to the impact numbness has on the people who loves you. False comforts abound. In our culture, they are an entire industry.
Look at it this way, when you are in relationship with someone who’s checked out, it doesn’t much matter in the moment what form of ‘checked out’ they’re using.