I, Doll: An Earnest Plea
By Michael Bennie

Dear Soul,

I, Doll, want you to adopt me. Please, hear me out, and you’ll see why we would be better together.

You’ve been wondering about the big questions—destiny, divinity, eternity—things
you may never fathom; some say you have your head in the clouds. You, Soul, could have more time for the real world with I, Doll in focus. I can take your distant, diffuse gaze and center it in something closer, clearer, cleaner.

How frustrating it must be to look at the heavens and wonder about ultimate reality; how much simpler to hold me, to lock in on my steady, smiling gaze and know that you know that you know. Gazing into the silent sky makes you feel tiny, alone. But I, Doll, will let you feel your power. The stars can never be yours, but you can possess me.

I get that you are annoyed by the people you work with; far too often, they fail to recognize how right you are. The feedback they give you is so ungrateful, so inconsiderate. But my admiring eyes are blind by design to the faults others see in you. It must be so exhausting listening to them. But pull my string and I will say what you want to hear. Talking to them is so exasperating—are they even listening? I, Doll, will never interrupt you, correct you, criticize you, dislike you.

And then there’s your family. They vie for your time and attention, ask for more than
you can give. I will not subject you to that. I won’t object to you doing you. I will
be your object. The spouse and kids make a disaster of your house, your schedule—
it’s all so out of control! I, Doll will spare you the mess. I’ll honor your autonomy to call the shots. It’s your house, and I, Doll, will never dispute that you are its boss.

Adopt me. Adore me.

I only ask for your life. It is all I do not have–and the one thing I want you to give me.
Yours,
I, Doll